Life As I Know It

A lot of you may know I think about a lot of things and my mind races pretty much all day.  It wanders and often thinks about things a little too deeply.. Some things hit me hard and I just cant seem to stop thinking about them.  That has seemed to happen to me this past week.  Not in a bad way at all but man I just couldnt shut my mind off.  Life has really taught me a lot this past week.

I woke up last Friday July 20, and found out about the movie massacre that happened in Colorado.  The week before my God Mom lost a great friend to an alcohol addiction.  And two days after the shooting I found out horrible news that a dear friend of mine lost her husband in a lightening storm.  These things all hit pretty quickly and made me think a lot about life.  I began to pray and reflect on the lives of my loved ones around me including my own life.  
When I found out about the shooting in Colorado I was very saddened.  All those innocent people lost their lives because someone wanted attention.  It hurts me and saddens me that someone who needs that much help doesnt find it until its too late and until many innocent lives are taken away from this world.  Mom's wont be able to take their daughters out shopping, Dad's wont be able to walk their baby girls down the isle for their wedding day, Husbands/Wives are left behind with a love that can never return.  All these relationships and many more were ruined all because this guy needed some attention and felt lost.  Who knows what was really going on in his head, but the fact is he killed people and doesnt seem to feel much remorse about it.  He took so many things away from this world because he was selfish.  I mean dont people that do this ever think about other lives? Other people? Dont they ever wonder what their Moms would do without them?  No! They dont, and that is the problem.  He didnt think about the future and how people would feel, or what he was taking away from this world.   

I went to church today and our priest talked about the suffering that the world, the nation and even just individuals are facing on a day to day basis.  We are all going through some sort of suffering whether its losing someone close to us in a shooting, an accident, or even just because their time here was up and God needed them.  The truth is we all feel it and we are all affected by it.  Its what we do with it that matters.  You can pretty much turn on the news, read the newspaper, open a magazine and get pretty depressed with whats going on in the world out there.  But why should we get depressed from it?  Ya, sure for some things we should be depressed.. but we are still here on this earth for a reason.  We need to make the difference these people werent able to make.  We need to live in their name and remember life is just a short time down here.  We need to make the best of it.  God gave us this life and we should live it and enjoy it.  Pray for the innocent lives James Holmes took away from this world and their loved ones, pray for their families who are suffering right now, pray for families suffering from accidental deaths.  Pray for everyone out there who might be going through a tough time, pray for the troops who fight for our country every day and their families who sacrifice their time with their loved ones to let them fight for us.  There are so many people out there suffering over many different reasons, but one thing I witness to be true is that prayer and support helps more than we will ever know.  Just watching a friend go through it has taught me so much! Just one simple prayer can warm their hearts for a minute and give them hope that everything is going to be ok.  And if just one prayer can do that then what can many do?  A whole lot more than that! God is on our side, he gave us this life.  So pray for the ones who are suffering so we can lift them up and become the One Nation Under God that we say we are.

This life, as I know it, is pretty dang amazing!! I am so blessed with loved ones around me all the time!! I have awesome friends and a family that is always there for me when I ask them to be, and even when I dont ask them to be.  I am one lucky girl!!  And for all these blessings in my life I thank God! He has always been there for me and knows just what I need in my life.  God is great and life is good!! AMEN!!

A Thorn in My Side

I finally was able to attend church again yesterday.  After a few weeks of not being able to go it was much needed.  However Alexa and I did feel a little rusty.. but we did good and as usual I got some good advice to my life.  I just have to confess that I am so blessed and I am so glad my parents raised me Catholic.  So many times my faith has pulled me through so many things and I can honestly say if I didnt attend church as much as I do I wouldnt be where I am today.  I go to church and feel like my life gets figured out there. God is amazing and I would be lost without him in my life!! But anyways..

Everybody in this life has thorns in their sides.  Whether it be a burden that stays with us: maybe not being able to forgive someone maybe an inner struggle we hold within ourselves, maybe a fight we have had with friends or family members or maybe just the simple bad things that happen to us on a daily basis. I have held many thorns in my side over many different reasons.  Right now I hold the thorn of my future in my side.  I worry about where I will be in one year, I worry about ending my college career in hopes for a good future but in the failure of where my college life has lead me.  Having been on probation and getting off I am still graduating from this amazing college.  While that feels like a huge accomplishment it also hurts my chances at the future I once wanted so bad.  I will continue to hold this thorn in my side for this year and it will continue to hurt here and there, but it is going to push me to be a better person and hopefully make it possible for me to do whatever God has planned out for me.  I look back to my past and realize I have had pains like these before and I have gotten through them.  I have only gotten through them by praying, attending church, and listening to God.  My Faith has gotten me through these hard times, and it has never failed me.  My parents raised me with the most important thing I will carry with me through my life and thats my faith.  I would be lost without it.  These thorns that stick with us will only go away through our very own faith.  The thing I havent really thought about is that it is OUR faith, no one elses.  Each of our faiths are different from anyone else's.  Not everyone gets something from attending church like I do, but maybe they get something more from just being outside talking to God or in some other way.  They are still experiencing the same Faith just in a different way.  Faith is believing something is there and knowing that this thorn in our side is soon going to go away because of the power of God.  I believe God is there for me, I pray to him for healing because I know the miracles he once performed and I know he will not let me suffer. These thorns are positive things in our lives.  We suffer through them because they are the pain that Jesus once felt, and we dont feel as hurt as he did because he saves us from that kind of pain.  They are put in our lives to challenge us and make us better human beings.  We have seen many people get through their thorns and heal from them.  I am not going to get through this thorn by attending church or by praying for the answer but more from listening to God and knowing that my faith will carry me through.  I have faith that God will help me through, he will grab my hand and walk with me, he will talk to me and pick me up.  My very own faith is what is going to get this thorn out of my side and I cannot wait to see where it leads me.  I cannot wait for the next thorn in my side because I know I grow so much from all of them.  

No Regrets with an Open Door for my Future

I have been through a rough patch in my life through this past semester of my Junior Year of college.  As I look back on it now I thank God for every single trying day I had because I am the stronger woman I am because of those days.  While I made a decision and wasnt quite sure why I had to make it I knew deep down inside it was the right thing to do.  I only knew this because of my trust in the Lord and my Faith in God to pull me through.  I have been through hard times in my life and while they may not have been the best times in my life they were times where I felt most secure.  This may sound weird and a lot of people say they would feel the least secure in these times.  But no, I felt secure.  I made a decision that I had prayed about for a long time, and when I felt I got an answer from God I went with it.  I went with it knowing it was the right decision but not knowing how I would get through it.  I felt secure in knowing I was making the right decision because it was based on my faith in the Lord.  I felt secure knowing he would get me through whatever was to come my way, and he really has.  It isnt over, I still get sad and I stop to wonder here and there, but these thoughts dont stop me from knowing I am a stronger woman because of that decision and I am getting through this on my own.

I stood up for myself.  I stood up for something that I believed in, and I made a decision that may have changed the rest of my life for the better.  I left something great, but opened the door for something greater to enter my life.  Everything happens for a reason and I dont regret anything in my life.  We all have Love enter our lives when we least expect it, and some may say it also leaves us when we least expect it.  This Love that I had was great dont get me wrong, but over the last little while I have learned that I deserve a Love much greater than that one.  Why are we meant to have multiple relationships filled with Love if we are just going to leave it later down the road for "the one" Love?  I asked myself this question.. And while I probably will never find the exact answer, here is my version of the answer.  I was meant to have multiple relationships fulfilled with the blessing of Love so I could learn from each kind, walk away from each one, and experience some kind of Love greater than the last.  Every Love I have experienced has taught me something new and made me realize something new from the last.  Love builds off itself and teaches you new things all the time.  While some of us find Love only once and leave this world with only that one relationship, others of us have multiple relationships with different kinds of Love.  But with each new Love the love grows into something unimaginable, something greater than the last because it builds off the last one.  I am grateful for every Love because of where it has lead me in life today.  I look forward to the building of my Love.  I look forward to making it stronger with more relationships whether it be friends or lovers.  I will not regret my past because it is from my past where my future lies.  So be strong in yourself.  Know the power you hold in your life and take advantage of it.  Stand up for what you believe is right even if your scared.  Do not fear Love.  Love with your whole heart and nothing less; God created Love for a good purpose so make good use of it.  Learn from Love.. Love will only become useless and a regret if you dont learn from it.  Know what you want deep down inside and fight for it. If its not the Love you have now then have the faith and strength to stand up and fight for what you know you deserve.  I deserve a better Love, I learned a lot from my past Love, but mainly that I deserve something greater, something unimaginable, something that is about to knock me off my feet.  Whether that be the end of the search for Love or not, I am ready.  I am ready to learn, I am ready to Love whenever that may be.  I fought for what I know I deserve and so can you.  Dont be afraid, fight for what you know is right, learn from your past and open the door for your future.  

Just Another Day in History

I have overheard so many countless conversations this past week about what girls are doing for Valentines day.  On top of that, I cant count how many times I have heard (with a negative tone) that girls dont have anyone so why should it matter anyways?  Its singles awareness day right?  WRONG! It does matter and no one is alone! Some people need to realize the real meaning of Valentine's Day, or look at it with a better attitude.  Valentine's Day is not all for the meaning of romantic love, but also includes the meaning of love.  You love your family right? You love your friends right? So go out and experience that world on your own! Your single, your alone on Valentine's... who cares? This is a time for you to go out and learn who you really want to be.  Text your mom, tell her you love her. Call dad and tell him you love him too! Tell everyone who you really care about that they mean something to you in your life, and quit feeling sorry for yourself.  There are many times in my life where I could look back and be depressed about this holiday, but then I realize that I have a lot of loving people in my life, and no matter how alone I will feel on that day, I am never alone.  To me this holiday is about Love and no matter what that love is whether it be romantic love or just friendship love, its LOVE and thats all I really need.  "All ya need is love" as the beatles would put it :) Love is all ya need!!  So get up this week and put a smile on, forget about the depressed singles awareness attitude and wake up from loneliness.  Hold the ones around you close because you never know when you are going to lose them.  And dont let this holiday end.  Spread love every where you go, every day for the rest of your life.  Valentine's day doesnt have to end! Men shouldnt need a day to tell their wives how much they truly mean to them or how much they truly love them.  Women shouldnt need a day to receive chocolates and red roses and whatever else comes with this day, because we all love each other the same every other day.  So why not start now and celebrate it year round.  This Holiday is not a depressing day, so wake up from depression rise up and defeat yourself.  You are the product of your own attitude and attitude is a choice. Be positive and be happy that you are alone, or be happy that you are not alone and you have someone.  But just be happy no matter where you are in life because you were meant to be where you are today whether that be alone or not.  So I wish you all a very Happy Valentine's Day, whether single, in a relationship, in between that, married, wherever your heart has led you, be happy and grateful for where you are today, because when it comes down to it, God is love and you wouldnt be where you are without him.  So Happy Valentine's Day God, you have given me the gift of Love and that has gotten me so far in life; experiencing many challenges and learning along the way, and for that I am eternally grateful.

The World of My Own, but Shared by Many

While I was searching my soul a little bit tonight, I encountered a letter from a long time ago in my personal notebook.  I decided to share it with you because reading back over it, I realized a lot of people are going through the same thing as me, and many have already gone through the same thing as me.  Enjoy reading!  This was written almost two years ago at the end of my freshman year of college.  It was written to myself and as a prayer to myself for my future.

My Dearest Child,

Amen I say to you, God is always there and here for you. No matter where you are in life. He is with you when you are joyous and when you are sad. He is with you when you are in the light and he is with you when you are in the dark. When you found out you got accepted to USD, he was sitting right beside you cheering you on, and when you let yourself and others around you down he was there beside you. When you felt discouraged to move on, he gave you the strength to move on and with the support of your brothers and your parents you were given the courage to do so. God gave you this difficult time so you could learn from it and make the future better. There are people who have touched your life this year and made you who you are today. Jeanette gives you the want to go out and help the less fortunate. Your brother gives you the strength and knowledge to know that no matter what happens or what grade you get that it doesnt define who you are today.

There are things about you that are amazing gifts from God! You are always positive and can look at almost any situation and pull out the positive. Never change. Spread love with a smile, and be kind hearted. Just like Mom taught you. You are a strong woman and no one can change how strong you are. Never change.

Promise yourself and God that this summer you will walk, run, and sprint with the Lord.  You will walk with him by your side in your stressful days. You will run with him in your faith life and let it grow in you.  You will sprint forward to the faith you are about to encounter. Promise to learn and keep your heart open to whatever you need to and to God. Peace; be peaceful and feel peace.  Spread peace to the ones around you. You are awesome and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. You are strong and no matter what, you can walk over any bridge you encounter. Through the love of God there is strength, and that is all you need. I love you, God loves you, and your family loves you! No matter what they are always with you!

God Bless! And Know that You are Loved!!

Things I often Think About...Where is this world coming to?

I know its been a while... so I just figured I'd share some thoughts that often mind boggle me. haha So the past month a few things have come up in my life that I just dont quite understand... Like I got up this morning and put on my "pair of pants" first of all... Why is it called a "pair" when its one item of clothing... Just because it has two holes doesnt mean we should call it a pair.. and if so then why dont we call jackets a "pair of Jackets"?? And even beyond that... Why is it a pair of "pants".. if its one (singular) pair then how can it be plural pants?? And the same goes for this because there are two holes for your legs doesnt necessarily mean it should be plural right?? I mean then we'd be calling our shirts pair of shirts... "This morning I put a pair of shirts on" I mean what is this world coming to and where is it heading next?? I am a little worried haha.

On a more serious note... what is this world really coming to?? Are there any men out there who were raised old fashioned and actually know how to hold the door for women or how to open the door for them when they get in your car???  And besides that point, should I really have to say "old fashioned"?? Why is that old fashioned now..??  People People People... there is something wrong with this picture and I dont like it at all.  I was talking with a friend last week about this and it became a very heated topic in my head (as some of you know I can get pretty upset about things like this).  I mean come on... haha anyways... So there are some guys out there who are very polite and who hold the door open for girls but then there are some who dont and they will blatantly walk through doors and shut the door behind them even though they know your right behind them.  But then on the other side there are girls who dont even acknowledge when there are men who are willing to do nice things for us.  I am just saying... when I see someone go out of their way to hold the door for me or to pick up something for me or just be a gentlemen because thats how they were raised, I make sure to tell them thank you and that I appreciate the fact that they do that for me.  I mean come on women, if you want it to happen ya better thank them for it!!!  It is just sad to me that we live in a world where the women dont even expect it anymore and they just let their men treat them like crap and not even care.  And then that men dont even know how to be gentlemen.  I mean how can some men let women walk out to their cars late at night all alone, (or if your my roommate, walk ALL the way to their apartment a mile away at 1AM).  I mean isnt that a little weird?? Who just thinks thats ok???  I definitely dont and I would like to see this change!!

 I was driving to LA yesterday when I saw a billboard that said "The McRib is back!!"... And I became puzzled about this.. First of all... Who thinks to put a rib in a burger?? Or fast food form for that matter??  Obviously McDonalds... and Second of all, how many Mc_____'s are ya gonna make!! I mean thats just disgusting and it doesnt even sound good to me.  I mean maybe it is but I will never know..

Why isnt college free??  We are paying to work our butts off and make something with our own lives.  We are giving back to society by getting jobs and helping people out who are in need, so why shouldn't all education be free??? This is another thing that boggles my mind.  Education is a huge thing!!!  So many things can affect this.  What happened to creativity and being your own person?? Now we are entitled to think a certain way and if we cant think like the standard student and be tested on it and pass then we arent smart enough to go to school.  I think thats a bunch of bull!!  I am worried for my kids.. the education system is not good and its not going down a very good rout.  But how can they when they dont have the money or resources to do anything better??  If a teacher wants a change they would have to stand up themselves and do it on their own time, no one is encouraged to do this however so no one is brave enough to stand up and do it.  The sense of creativity has gone out the window... I will be honest.. every time I am asked to come up with something creative the first place I go is to the internet.  We make tshirt designs and we get the ideas from online... where is this world coming to?? and what happened to our creative minds?? Dont go to the internet, turn to your own brain!! We are smart enough to think of it on our own!

Well anyways... these are some of the things I have been thinking about... If you have anything you would like to add feel free.  Maybe we could solve the problems of the world together or something ;)

The Fear of my Borrowed World

Last week was another hard week for me in school, (surprise surprise right?)  I have faced many challenges at this school and it just seems like they keep piling on top of each other.  Last week I got some bad news back on some exams received more stress with work and my attitude was on the negative side lets just say.  There are many things going on in my life and they can get very stressful at times.  Many people dont realize this about me, because most of the time I hide it pretty well.  The more and more I reflect on what I am going through the more I learn about myself and what I am truly going through.  I have this quote on the window of my car that says "Life's short, Heavens longer".  I forget to live by this sometimes... ok, actually this is most of the time, but everyone is like that right?  We all freak out about the little things in life and we forget to stop and really think about what is going on around us, and how big of a deal this "little" thing really is... This is the story of my life lately... I forget to stop and think about the big picture rather than just stressing about the little things and letting them affect the big things in my life.  You see, I start to stress about not succeeding and feeling like I am dumb, and I shut down and make myself believe maybe I am not cut out for this.  I fear that I am not supposed to be doing this because it is so hard for me.  It wasnt until a week of feeling this way that God sent me a sign...  

In my poetry class we do a lot of group work together and last week I was paired with the answer to my problems.. The answer to this "Fear" I felt..  It was in this hour that I realized that school is hard for more people than just me! I have nothing handicapping me from learning or doing the things I love to do.  I can walk everywhere I go, I can drive my car to school whenever I need to, I can read and write like mostly everyone else in this world.  The thing I dont realize on a day to day basis is that there are other people around us that dont have these simple capabilities.. Some people cant read, some people cant write, some people cant speak everything they want to when they want to say it.  This is what stopped the fear inside me.  I realized that nothing can stop me from learning and succeeding in my life.  There is nothing handicapping me from my dreams.  Even if these dreams are dreams I fear...  These people who live with these handicaps; who have a hard time learning, who have a hard time reading because of something they cant even help, still come to school, they still live their life and they are still HAPPY!!!  This is truly amazing to me! God is truly amazing, and I am so very blessed!  There is nothing in this world that can bring me down and make me feel like I cant do it. There are things in this world that give me strength to move on and succeed and do whatever it is I have to do to succeed.  God sent me this experience because he knew I would see it and learn from it.  And the message I took home with me is that.. There are people out there who have it harder than I do and they dont give up.  They keep trucking through some of the hardest things they have ever faced, things I will never face in my life.  This is amazing to me! When I think I have it bad, I think of other people and the fact that they have it just as hard as me if not harder and they still make it through.  I can do this!! I can succeed in school, and I can make this fear go away.  We all have fears in our life, but being able to get past them is a whole other story in itself.  Label your fears, dont hide them away in the back of your closet behind all your clothes for no one to see!  First realize that you fear things, and then let people know your fears.  Share your fears with the people around you who can help you find your way!  This way you have nothing hiding in your closet.  Life will be a better place and you will be a truly happy person!  This happiness will affect the ones around you and it will spread like wild fire.  IT is amazing what one smile can do to the person who is having a bad day, or the person who fears the same thing you do.  Maybe the people who surround you are going through the same thing you are and if you dont share them you will never know and you will never be able to fix it.  Be loud and proud of this fear.  I fear failing and not being able to get to my final goal in life.  But at the moment I am working at fixing this.  What are your fears?? And how are you going to be able to fix them? 

We have a very short time to fix all these things.  "Life is short, Heaven is longer"  Make your short time on this earth a great time that you will never forget or regret!!!  Reflecting on the past 21 years of my life, there is nothing I regret... There are things I have feared.. yes, but nothing I regret.  I got through those fears and I know I can get through the fears of my future and the fear of my present.  I have been truly blessed over my past two decades and I thank my family and closest friends for helping me through everything I have gone through!! I look forward to the years to come, and the fears I am about to face!!! Just remember nothing is as hard as we make it.  Its a short time we are here and people around us are going through harder things than us.  So stop and think about that when you think your world is "crashing down" around you.  Be happy and look at the bright side of life :) Know that you are Loved, and God holds you in the palm of his hand! There is nothing you fear that is greater than Gods grace and guidance through it all!! He will guide you in right ways!! Honor this, live by this.  Dont forget to treasure ones around you, for we dont know how long they will be there.  Let people in, dont shut your doors on them!  Experience the most you can in this short time we have!!  Take NOTHING for granted!!!

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy burdened, for I shall give you rest" <Mathew 11:28>