Things I often Think About...Where is this world coming to?

I know its been a while... so I just figured I'd share some thoughts that often mind boggle me. haha So the past month a few things have come up in my life that I just dont quite understand... Like I got up this morning and put on my "pair of pants" first of all... Why is it called a "pair" when its one item of clothing... Just because it has two holes doesnt mean we should call it a pair.. and if so then why dont we call jackets a "pair of Jackets"?? And even beyond that... Why is it a pair of "pants".. if its one (singular) pair then how can it be plural pants?? And the same goes for this because there are two holes for your legs doesnt necessarily mean it should be plural right?? I mean then we'd be calling our shirts pair of shirts... "This morning I put a pair of shirts on" I mean what is this world coming to and where is it heading next?? I am a little worried haha.

On a more serious note... what is this world really coming to?? Are there any men out there who were raised old fashioned and actually know how to hold the door for women or how to open the door for them when they get in your car???  And besides that point, should I really have to say "old fashioned"?? Why is that old fashioned now..??  People People People... there is something wrong with this picture and I dont like it at all.  I was talking with a friend last week about this and it became a very heated topic in my head (as some of you know I can get pretty upset about things like this).  I mean come on... haha anyways... So there are some guys out there who are very polite and who hold the door open for girls but then there are some who dont and they will blatantly walk through doors and shut the door behind them even though they know your right behind them.  But then on the other side there are girls who dont even acknowledge when there are men who are willing to do nice things for us.  I am just saying... when I see someone go out of their way to hold the door for me or to pick up something for me or just be a gentlemen because thats how they were raised, I make sure to tell them thank you and that I appreciate the fact that they do that for me.  I mean come on women, if you want it to happen ya better thank them for it!!!  It is just sad to me that we live in a world where the women dont even expect it anymore and they just let their men treat them like crap and not even care.  And then that men dont even know how to be gentlemen.  I mean how can some men let women walk out to their cars late at night all alone, (or if your my roommate, walk ALL the way to their apartment a mile away at 1AM).  I mean isnt that a little weird?? Who just thinks thats ok???  I definitely dont and I would like to see this change!!

 I was driving to LA yesterday when I saw a billboard that said "The McRib is back!!"... And I became puzzled about this.. First of all... Who thinks to put a rib in a burger?? Or fast food form for that matter??  Obviously McDonalds... and Second of all, how many Mc_____'s are ya gonna make!! I mean thats just disgusting and it doesnt even sound good to me.  I mean maybe it is but I will never know..

Why isnt college free??  We are paying to work our butts off and make something with our own lives.  We are giving back to society by getting jobs and helping people out who are in need, so why shouldn't all education be free??? This is another thing that boggles my mind.  Education is a huge thing!!!  So many things can affect this.  What happened to creativity and being your own person?? Now we are entitled to think a certain way and if we cant think like the standard student and be tested on it and pass then we arent smart enough to go to school.  I think thats a bunch of bull!!  I am worried for my kids.. the education system is not good and its not going down a very good rout.  But how can they when they dont have the money or resources to do anything better??  If a teacher wants a change they would have to stand up themselves and do it on their own time, no one is encouraged to do this however so no one is brave enough to stand up and do it.  The sense of creativity has gone out the window... I will be honest.. every time I am asked to come up with something creative the first place I go is to the internet.  We make tshirt designs and we get the ideas from online... where is this world coming to?? and what happened to our creative minds?? Dont go to the internet, turn to your own brain!! We are smart enough to think of it on our own!

Well anyways... these are some of the things I have been thinking about... If you have anything you would like to add feel free.  Maybe we could solve the problems of the world together or something ;)

The Fear of my Borrowed World

Last week was another hard week for me in school, (surprise surprise right?)  I have faced many challenges at this school and it just seems like they keep piling on top of each other.  Last week I got some bad news back on some exams received more stress with work and my attitude was on the negative side lets just say.  There are many things going on in my life and they can get very stressful at times.  Many people dont realize this about me, because most of the time I hide it pretty well.  The more and more I reflect on what I am going through the more I learn about myself and what I am truly going through.  I have this quote on the window of my car that says "Life's short, Heavens longer".  I forget to live by this sometimes... ok, actually this is most of the time, but everyone is like that right?  We all freak out about the little things in life and we forget to stop and really think about what is going on around us, and how big of a deal this "little" thing really is... This is the story of my life lately... I forget to stop and think about the big picture rather than just stressing about the little things and letting them affect the big things in my life.  You see, I start to stress about not succeeding and feeling like I am dumb, and I shut down and make myself believe maybe I am not cut out for this.  I fear that I am not supposed to be doing this because it is so hard for me.  It wasnt until a week of feeling this way that God sent me a sign...  

In my poetry class we do a lot of group work together and last week I was paired with the answer to my problems.. The answer to this "Fear" I felt..  It was in this hour that I realized that school is hard for more people than just me! I have nothing handicapping me from learning or doing the things I love to do.  I can walk everywhere I go, I can drive my car to school whenever I need to, I can read and write like mostly everyone else in this world.  The thing I dont realize on a day to day basis is that there are other people around us that dont have these simple capabilities.. Some people cant read, some people cant write, some people cant speak everything they want to when they want to say it.  This is what stopped the fear inside me.  I realized that nothing can stop me from learning and succeeding in my life.  There is nothing handicapping me from my dreams.  Even if these dreams are dreams I fear...  These people who live with these handicaps; who have a hard time learning, who have a hard time reading because of something they cant even help, still come to school, they still live their life and they are still HAPPY!!!  This is truly amazing to me! God is truly amazing, and I am so very blessed!  There is nothing in this world that can bring me down and make me feel like I cant do it. There are things in this world that give me strength to move on and succeed and do whatever it is I have to do to succeed.  God sent me this experience because he knew I would see it and learn from it.  And the message I took home with me is that.. There are people out there who have it harder than I do and they dont give up.  They keep trucking through some of the hardest things they have ever faced, things I will never face in my life.  This is amazing to me! When I think I have it bad, I think of other people and the fact that they have it just as hard as me if not harder and they still make it through.  I can do this!! I can succeed in school, and I can make this fear go away.  We all have fears in our life, but being able to get past them is a whole other story in itself.  Label your fears, dont hide them away in the back of your closet behind all your clothes for no one to see!  First realize that you fear things, and then let people know your fears.  Share your fears with the people around you who can help you find your way!  This way you have nothing hiding in your closet.  Life will be a better place and you will be a truly happy person!  This happiness will affect the ones around you and it will spread like wild fire.  IT is amazing what one smile can do to the person who is having a bad day, or the person who fears the same thing you do.  Maybe the people who surround you are going through the same thing you are and if you dont share them you will never know and you will never be able to fix it.  Be loud and proud of this fear.  I fear failing and not being able to get to my final goal in life.  But at the moment I am working at fixing this.  What are your fears?? And how are you going to be able to fix them? 

We have a very short time to fix all these things.  "Life is short, Heaven is longer"  Make your short time on this earth a great time that you will never forget or regret!!!  Reflecting on the past 21 years of my life, there is nothing I regret... There are things I have feared.. yes, but nothing I regret.  I got through those fears and I know I can get through the fears of my future and the fear of my present.  I have been truly blessed over my past two decades and I thank my family and closest friends for helping me through everything I have gone through!! I look forward to the years to come, and the fears I am about to face!!! Just remember nothing is as hard as we make it.  Its a short time we are here and people around us are going through harder things than us.  So stop and think about that when you think your world is "crashing down" around you.  Be happy and look at the bright side of life :) Know that you are Loved, and God holds you in the palm of his hand! There is nothing you fear that is greater than Gods grace and guidance through it all!! He will guide you in right ways!! Honor this, live by this.  Dont forget to treasure ones around you, for we dont know how long they will be there.  Let people in, dont shut your doors on them!  Experience the most you can in this short time we have!!  Take NOTHING for granted!!!

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy burdened, for I shall give you rest" <Mathew 11:28>

I wish... I wish... I wish...

Over the past two years of my college experience I have spent a lot of time wishing on what I thought I wanted my life to be like.  It sometimes was the simple things like how I wished I lived in a bigger room my freshman year.. or how I wished I wasnt a freshman at all.  Sophomore year things began to become a bigger deal and pretty soon I was wishing for much greater things.  It was this year in my college life that I got placed on academic probation.. No, I am not proud of this, but I learned a lot from this trying time in my life.  It was this point in my life where I looked at all the "smart" people around me and thought... "I wish it came easy for me..."  I wished that I could be smart like them and not have to study as hard for the C grades I was getting.  Life for me at this time was probably the hardest it has ever been.  I felt lost and alone and no one could help me but myself.  When I stopped wishing I was that "smart" person and picked up the books, I became "that" person.  Second semester I got off probation and going through that time of my life was actually a good thing.  I learned a lot from that period in my life, and now I know I can conquer anything God hands me.  In order for me to get through that time, I had to stop looking at other people and wishing I were them... I had to look at myself and ask myself what I had to do to become the person I wanted to be, not anyone else.

This is where the main point of this blog begins... I spend so much time in my life looking at other people and comparing myself to them and wishing I could be like them or have the things they have.  I wish I didnt have to worry about money, I wish I could be the rich guy on the block who just has all the money he needs for anything he wants to go out and buy.. but then I realize that is not in my cards right now.  And while I do this to myself, it becomes a cycle of just putting myself down.  I cant work enough to make that much money, I cant zoom through college and get a job to be making that kind of money.  I have to get there step by step in my own way.  So my question to you is... how many of us waist our time playing the "I wish" game.. How many of us compare ourselves to others and just want their life, or are just plain jealous of their life.  I am pretty sure we are all the same way.  We all do these things that are natural in our everyday life, that naturally put us down.  It is time to pick yourself up and realize that you can be whoever you want to be! But that does not mean you should just be whoever you see around you.  We have to be our OWN people, we have to be beautiful in our own way.. Stop looking at your neighbor and being jealous of their life, stop seeing a nice car and wishing you had it, stop wishing you were skinny like the girl on tv or that you had nice clothes like the girls on your campus.  We all are our own special selves and we can make ourselves whoever we want to become.  I am beautiful in my own special way, and so are you.  We dont have to compare ourselves to each other to see that.  Jesus doesnt compare us to each other.  He doesnt sit back in a chair and judge who he loves more; he doesnt love anyone more!  Jesus loves us all the same, and do you know why? Because we are all beautiful in his eyes!! We were made beautiful in his image.  So instead of wishing you were the student who had it easy, turn to yourself and thank God that you dont have it that way.  I am who I am because of these things I have gone through, and I honestly believe I am more "beautiful" because of them.  Go about your days, smile at everyone you see, love everyone around you because we are all equals on this earth; there isnt anyone out there better than anyone else, so make the world a better place and beYOUtiful, be genuinely YOU, be unique the way God made you, dont get caught in the "I wish... I wish... I wish..." game.

Lost and Found at Sea

So this song randomly came into my life this week.  It kept playing in my car and the more and more I listened to and sang along to it, the more and more I fell in love with it.  When I realized today I hadnt posted my blog, I realized I should probably do that so I started thinking about what I was going to write and decided to call it Lost and Found at Sea.  Then I remembered this song.  So I would like to start this post with the lyrics to this song and if you get the chance listen to Mayday by The Icarus Account, because it really is a good song.

Mayday Mayday
Someone save me
I am fragile
Oh somebody rescue me
Oh somebody tell me you will
Concrete Heartache Left me awake
Sleepless Sleeper
Oh somebody wake me up
Oh somebody tell me you will
Tell me that you're going to save me
That everything is gonna be ok
I'm screaming but nobody can hear me
Can you save me from myself? No, no, no, no
How can the be? I've tried and tried and tried
But I'm sill lost out at sea
When did I become the things that
I used to hate I'm stranded to this ship
Left to fall with a crash of the waves (mayday)
Tell me that you're going to save me That everything is gonna be ok
I'm screaming but nobody can hear me
Can you save me from myself? Mayday Mayday Mayday


Many times in my life I have felt lost out at sea, and I often wonder if I will be found.  I look around me and realize that this is normal; it is normal for me to feel stress, to worry about things, or to feel anxiety over some things.. this is normal, yes, but it is not the end of the world.  We are fragile human beings and sometimes the littlest things get to us, and we dont even realize it.  We stress about grades in school, we stress about work if its not going the way we would like, we worry about what we look like in the eyes of others, whether we are strong or whether we are weak, we are all fragile.  It is easy to break us, its just not easy to realize these little things that are getting to us.  Sometimes unhappiness, or heartache can be like concrete on the heart; it is a heavy burden to carry.  Especially if you dont even realize you are carrying it.  Jesus carried his cross, he carried burdens, and whether or not this was as tough as ours, he gave us the ability to carry them and get through it.  However I do not believe this has to happen alone.. Jesus also gave us each other to help with the burdens we carry.  We are not supposed to walk through this world alone, we are not supposed to be going through hard times alone.  So look around you and find that someone who is there to help you.  You cannot expect to do this alone because we were not made strong enough to handle all our burdens alone.  When you realize that you are having a hard time with something, or that you are lost, then scream for somebody to help you, do not shut everyone out because there is someone in that crowd that is there to help you.  I believe someone will be there to hear you, and they can save you from your pain.  If you have to call a Mayday and no one hears you, then talk to the one who hears all your cries.  Talk to God, find peace in him and he will give you rest.  God is powerful and merciful and he will never let us hurt when we are crying out.  Often times when I am lost, the first place I think to go is to God.  Turn to him and he will put a smile on your face, he will be the lighthouse you need to find your way home, he will tell you that "everything is going to be ok."

In this World that I Borrow

Life gets crazy sometimes... and I often forget to stop and think about what is really going on around me.  I worry about the little things like what I am going to wear for the day, how much homework I am going to have, or even as little as what kind of cheese I am going to put on my sandwich.  These are all legitimate things I worry about on a day to day basis.  I don't know about you but... these things can get pretty stressful... Sometimes (after spending a good 10 minutes worrying) I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that these things don't really matter all that much...  I forget to worry about the big things in life, like:  Who worries about the homeless people on the streets?  Who worries about the pollution from all our cars?  Who worries about kids living in poverty?  While I am at the beach getting my tan on, I rarely think about who is freezing in the cold because they don't have enough clothes to keep themselves warm.  When I am stuck in traffic, I rarely think about the less fortunate who don't even have cars to drive who walk everywhere they go.  When I am stuck in MY WORLD thinking about what outfit I am going to wear, or what cheese to put on my sandwich I am failing to see the big picture.

I often get stuck in this "me world" where everything I think about is what has to do with my life.  Ya I think about the homeless when I see them on the street, I think about the kids in poverty, but I never do anything about these things.  We think about them and then we let them slip by because they have nothing to do with our life.  We let the little things of our lives become big things; and the big problems of the world become the little things.  We should strive to make this "me world" go away.  We aren't going to be living on this world forever; it is like we are borrowing this world to hand it off to the next people to come and take care of it.  God lent us this world to see the bad things in it, to see the big problems and to do something about them; to help the homeless on the street, give to the needy, lend a hand to the helpless, be a crutch for the wounded, and to heal the broken.  I encourage everyone this week to do something nice for someone you don't know.  Look around you; pay attention to your "borrowed world" and take note of the big picture, take note of the big things in your life and worry about them.  Instead of worrying about these little things we always worry about, take time out of your day to worry about the big borrowed world we live in, and make it a better place for the next lenders.

The Room of my Own

If you have not gotten a fresh start on life and moved away from home, or your home town, I strongly advise you do so.  In my experience it has been the greatest thing I was ever able to do for myself.  Sure there are times when I want to be home, have a home cooked meal, cry on my moms shoulder when nothing goes the way I please, have my dad fix anything I need fixing, go play a round of golf with the family whenever I want, have late night talks with my brother about the most interesting things; ya, I miss all these things greatly.  I even miss the little things like watching the stars late at night, the silence of the snow falling on a cold winters day, or even the smell of the rain as it falls on the sidewalk.  But I get by because I know these things will all be there when I return for my next visit home.  These things are my basis for where I grew up, they are things that put the biggest smile on my face because it reminds me of home.  Home is where my heart is, it is where I grew up and where I established who I wanted to become because of the great examples in my life.  But now it is time for me to make my own home and establish that person I decided I wanted to become so long ago.  With these great memories of home I have no fear that I can go out into this big world and make my own path through it, do my own thing, and become who I want to be.  

Two years ago I began this new chapter, this new path to my life.  Since then I have been greatly blessed with amazing new friends, awesome support from my family and many experiences I wouldn't take back for anything.  As I moved back to San Diego for my third year in college I realized how happy I truly am here in my own place I established for myself.  Two years ago I decided to move here, to start my own chapter and to become who I wanted to become.  This was the best thing I have ever done for myself.  Since then I have learned many lessons in life and even though some of them were very difficult to go through I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given.  Without these opportunities I wouldn't be the woman I am today.  I am happy in this new place of mine, I am happy in this new room of my own that I built it for myself.  I made a pathway to happiness for myself because in these past two years I have learned what makes me happy, I learned what I want out of my life and how to go out there and get it.  This doesn't mean that I am not sad at times when I miss my family, when I just want to be with my boyfriend, or even when I miss the simple things like a home cooked meal or the stars at night.  It doesn't mean that its easy when I have to stay up late to study for finals, or when I have to balance work and school to make money to get by.  It just means that getting out and experiencing the world around you, and finding your true self is an important part of life and we ALL need to experience this.  We ALL need to build a "room of our own".